"MARRIAGE IN AFRICA"

This was going to be a blog about the "Marriage and Relationship" fireside in our ward that Taylor and I did yesterday.  We are still laughing and shaking our heads about it!  Taylor started by asking if there were any particular topics they would like to discuss - 
we were not prepared for what they said.  

(This is us with Elder and Sister Cook)

We were talking about men and women's roles - this guy (sitting with his wife who had a child on her back and  one on her lap) says, "If there is one piece of meat should the man or the woman get to eat it?  Seriously?!?  Taylor said, "Well, the MAN of course, because he needs the strength to go out and kill the LIONS and get meat for the next dinner." 

We all laugh and he says, "No seriously, who should get it?!?

Realizing he really was serious Taylor said,  "Well, if you don't want to

give her all of meat, you cut it in half and let her choose which piece she wants first."  

So then this same man says, "My parents had a great marriage, my mom always fed my dad first and stood by him watching while he ate.  This is  a problem for us. My wife has been doing that, but she really doesn't like it."  Taylor, completely beside himself answered, "Yes, I would think it is a problem especially if you want SEX sometime in your marriage."  

Later in the fireside he started talking about how some traditions change because of circumstances - such as in Europe, years ago men walked on the outside to protect the woman from garbage being thrown out of the upstairs windows - it would land on the men, protecting the woman. So this guy says, "Well, in Africa, men walk in front of the women so we can kill any snakes or lions that came at us."  Taylor said, "Okay, so I guess I didn't realize there are alot of snakes  and lions still roaming the streets in JOHANNESBURG (which is a city like LA) but whatever works for you buddy."  So when we are finally done, (we were relived this bazaar fireside was finally over)  they asked us to come back again next month to speak on more issues in marriage!  Such is a missionary's life in Africa! 

That is what brought me to the subject of this blog - 
marriage and relationships in Africa.

There is a tradition here called "la bola."  It is a very controversial topic - especially in the church.  When a couple wants to get married, the boy must pay "la bola" to the girl's family.  This is paid usually in cows, (about 15-25) goats, clothing, beer or money.  The groom will meet with the bride's father and uncles and decide on a price.  The price depends on her beauty, education and her family's standing in the tribe.  ALthough the average price varies widely it is about $10,000 - $20,000 USD.  As you can imagine - this is a difficult way to start a marriage owing that much money to your in-laws.

After agreeing on a "bride price" - he then must pay the "la bola" to her family, before they can marry.  This can  sometimes take years.  

When it is paid he then "owns his wife." 

 This long time tradition once used to bring families together has really gotten out of hand.  Some men consider that their wife is now their property - and they own them.  I would guess about 99% of people we have met here still practice this tradition although many are trying to do away with this tradition, it will probably take a few more generations. 

 Many of the African missionaries I talk to  worry about not only finding a wife after their mission - but also how they are going to pay their la bola. 

Polygamy is very wide spread also for a variety of reasons.  If the girl does not give her husband a son, he will often marry another to continue their name.  This is also a sign of wealth - as he must pay la bola again.

La bola is a tradition that spreads across all tribes.  
I am going to focus on the Zulu tribe - the largest tribe here in South Africa for the rest of this blog.

Zulu women in different stages of their lives wear different clothing. The older they get and marry, the more they cover their bodies.   The woman on the left is married - the one on the right is available.

An unmarried girl wears a short skirt made of grass or beaded cotton strings, in the rural areas she wears nothing on top. She then dresses herself up with beadwork. They also keep their hair short. 

When a young woman has been chosen or engaged, she lets her hair grow and covers herself more, as a sign of respect to her future family, it also indicates to the community that she has been spoken for. 

Married women cover their bodies completely, which signals that she is off limits. She wears a long skirt or a skirt made of grass.  She is weaving their "bed."  The leopard skin the man wears shows his ranking - 

the more the higher his ranking.

When a woman is pregnant she wears a thick belt made from dried grass, covered with glass or plastic beadwork to support her stomach and additional weight. 

Married women also wear hats. Nowadays the hats are generally worn only on special occasions. 

Here I am in my zulu hat - it is heavy!  I actually bought this from the zulu woman below - I even bought her necklace before we left their village.

Zulu people are very superstitious.  The "sangoma" is taken very seriously.  They are used to prevent misfortune, lightning, good luck and when job hunting, the list is endless.  All of the soccer teams have a "sangoma" who travels with the team to all of its matches.  She (or he) asks the ancestors to help them win.  This is a "calling" passed down from generation to generation.

I am grateful today for my marriage.  To a man I love, that doesn't own me - and that I don't have to stand while he eats.  I am grateful that I am excited that our marriage is forever.  I love my life with Taylor!  
Don't forget to say "I LOVE YOU!" to those special people in your life!